Harvey Rumplemeyer and the Planet Discombobulated
Copyright ©2012 by Nonno Vecchio
All Rights Reserved
Once upon a time, there was a space-time traveler named Harvey Rumplemeyer who liked to travel through space and time and explore throughout the galaxy checking out new places. He would travel here and there and anywhere else he could in search of new places to see. Well, this one time, he was traveling to the planet Pluto when he encountered a meteor shower. Fortunately, his shields were up and his alarms went off in time to allow him to brace for impact. It was not fast enough however, to fly around the storm so his ship ended up being bounced about and tossed here and there.
A Different Universe
The Delirium Nebula
By the time the storm ended, Harvey was in a different galaxy and in fact he was even in a different universe. He didn't recognize where he was so he looked around for some familiar stars and not finding any went to the nearest gas station. Oh, this wasn't a gas station like you and I are familiar with, this was a gas station that supplied special fuel for rockets and spaceships!
“Fill 'er up!” Harvey told the gas station attendant. “And checked the oil and water too, if you will please?”
The gas station attendant, whose name was Marvin, quickly did what Harvey asked and filled the gas tank with special rocket juice, checked the oil and found it was good, put just a little bit more water into the water container, and even tried to check the tires. Of course, Harvey's Space-Time Ship does not have tires so Marvin was out of luck.
“That'll be 300,000 Delirium credits,” Marvin told Harvey while holding out his hand. And of course Harvey, who wasn't from around there, had no idea what Delirium credit was. “Say friend,” said Harvey, “I'm not from around here and I don't know what a Delirium credit is can you help a guy out?”
Well, Marvin was slightly taken aback never having met anybody who had no idea what the Delirium credit was. So he looked Harvey’s ship over and decided that he could use a new windshield wiper on his old beat up space jalopy. Harvey was only too happy to trade his old windshield wiper for the fuel and the water and the service so he helped Marvin take the windshield wiper off and he gave it to him gladly.
And while they were working, Harvey nonchalantly asked Marvin, “say bud, you wouldn't happen to know where ‘here’ is would ya?”
“Why sure!” Said Marvin pointing north. “You're in the Delirium Nebula and if you just point your ship over in that direction right there you'll get to the nearest planet… Dis-com-bob-u-lated!”
So Harvey thanked Marvin and got into his Space-Time Machine and traveled in the direction that Marvin had pointed. But Harvey being Harvey, he decided going forward wasn't good enough; he wanted to go backwards or forwards in time too. So, he set his time controls for 500 years in the future and pressed “The Button”! “The Button” you see, is how Harvey was able to travel backwards and forwards in time.
Discombobulated
And *POOF!* just like that Harvey disappeared from the present and appeared suddenly in the future - right inside a shopping mall! Well, Harvey decided to get out to see what he could see so he checked the air with his Atmosphericalizer – that’s an atmosphere checker to you and me - and once he determined it was safe to do so, he left the ship. And wouldn't you know it? As luck would have it, he had landed right next to a restaurant!
“Well, this is good,” Harvey thought to himself, “I am a little hungry especially since I've been traveling for such a long time.” So Harvey went over to the restaurant to see what he could get. Well it turns out that Harvey had stopped at a Chick Fil-A. Oh, this wasn't the Chik-Fil-A that you and I know here on earth – no siree Bob! This was an actual Chick Filet!
Yep, you could get any kinda chick you wanted here. You could get Chick Popsicles, you could get Chick-on-a-Stick, you could get fried chick, roasted chick, and even fried-roasted chick. All complete with feathers, beaks, and feet! Large chicks, small chicks, fat chicks, skinny chicks – any kind of chick you wanted....
Always one to try new foods, Harvey ordered two Chick-on-a-Sticks and a Fat Cow in a Bun. Then he went and looked for a place to sit. Well, as he was looking for a place to sit, he spotted a little girl off to the side. She was a pretty little thing. Dressed all in pink with white flowers and purple polka dots on her dress, and pretty black little shoes with white socks on her feet, she sat all by herself next to a pole crying her eyes out.
Helpful Harvey
Well, our friend Harvey is not one to let somebody stay hurting very long so he went over to the little girl and sat down on the floor next to her where he asked, “Little girl what's wrong?”
What happened next really surprised Harvey because he had never been to this planet before and he didn't know that hair can talk too! Without raising her face from her hands the little girl continued to cry. Her pigtails looked up at Harvey and said, “We’re lost! We don't know where mommy is! We’re scared! And we don't know what to do.”
Harvey looked around the restaurant to see if he could find anybody who was looking for a lost little girl but didn't see any one. So he looked at the little girl and asked her, “What does your mommy look like?”
“Well,” said the little girl, “she's tall but she’s short, fat but skinny, has big eyes and purple hair.”
So Harvey looked around again, and still didn't see anybody matching that description. “Would you like me to help you find her?” Harvey asked little girl.
“Oh! Would you? That would be terrific!” And the little girl stopped crying and looked hopefully into Harvey's eyes.
And holding out his hand which the little girl took, Harvey said, “Absolutely! Let's go find your mommy!” And with that Harvey and the little girl went looking through the mall for the little girl's mommy. They looked everywhere! They looked at the zipper store, where you could get zippers for your tummy. And they looked at the brain store where you could buy your smarts. They even looked at the baby making factory where you could put together your very own baby doll! But, no luck. The little girl’s mommy was nowhere to be found.
So, Harvey decided to take the little girl to the information kiosk, where he could ask for help in finding the girl's mother. But on the way, the little girl spied her mommy at the local gym where mommy was working out to get big and strong.
Soon, Harvey had the little girl back with her mommy and that's when he learned that the little girl was supposed to be in school but she had skipped her classes because she wanted to spend the day with her mommy. Mommy didn't even know that the little girl was missing from school! The school was supposed to call mommy to tell her, but somewhere along the line the school dropped the ball and did not place the phone call. Somebody was going to be in trouble when mommy got a hold of them, but that's a completely different story....
Well, mommy was so grateful to Harvey for bringing her lost little girl to her that she invited Harvey over for dinner that night. Harvey of course accepted.
So, once Harvey got the address and mommy had given him the directions, he went back to his Space-Time Machine and took a nap. After all, it was still a couple hours before he had to be at mommy's house for dinner and he'd had a very long day.
A Very Tasty Dinner
Pretty soon his alarm clock rang, and he had to decide which of his many space-time suits he was going to wear to dinner. Once that choice was made, he jumped into the showerizer and let the sonic rays wash him off. Oh, and he made sure to wash his hair as well. Soon he was smelling fresh as a daisy and was wearing a very nice suit and was on his way to mommy's house for dinner.
Dinner was a very nice affair, with pheasant on top of glass, roast peanut butter cup, yellow duckbill, crunchy chicken feet, and all the feathers you could eat! Yes sir, Harvey ate well! Of course, they had vegetables too. They had fried green tomatoes, roasted smushed potatoes, corn off the cob, and some kind of vegetable Harvey had never before seen in his entire life! They said it was a pumpkin but it was not like any kind of pumpkin Harvey had ever seen. This one actually rolled off the serving tray and walked over to your plate and said, “Eat me! Eat me!” Harvey passed on that one.
Soon dinner was over, and everyone was burping their guts out! You see on this planet, when you had a good meal you showed your hostess how happy you were by burping, and burping, and burping some more until a green burp gas hung in the air. It didn’t take long before the house was filled with stinky green gas and Harvey had to put on his space-time ungaserator. Mommy was never happier!
It wasn’t long after that that Penel-O-Pee, which Harvey learned was the little girl’s name, was yawing and ready for bed. After mommy, whose name Harvey learned was Paulie Anne, had excused Penel-O-Pee from the table, the little girl crawled into Harvey’s lap and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek!
“I’m so glad you found me, Mr. UncleMeyer,” she said because she was too young to be able to say the name correctly, “if you hadn’t found me I’d still be sitting at the mall looking for mommy!” And she hugged him one more time before reaching into her pocket and bringing out a little glass bottle. “Here, “ she said, “I want you to have this.” And with that she turned the bottle upside down into Harvey’s hand.
Harvey was dumbfounded! For right there in his very own hand was a real live fairy! It stood two inches long, 3 inches short, 5 inches fat, and 6 inches skinny! It had long short wings decorated with swirls and stars and were a translucent sort of blue-purple and pink. Harvey didn't know what to say so he just thanked Penel-O-Pee for the cool gift, thanked Paulie Anne for a great dinner, and went back to his Space-Time Machine where he went home.
Sadly, Harvey was never able to find his way back to Discombobulated again. But he took good care of the fairy and passed it on to his children and their grandchildren.
THE END